The alternative

I made a decision
There had to be better than
Arguing
Fighting
Crying
Ignoring
No sex
No love
Zero communication

There had to be better
An alternative
I chose the alternative
But where did it leave me
Sobbing uncontrollably at 10:30 pm on the floor in my house alone

This was what I wanted
But why does it feel like I created my own personal hell
To slowly rot away in misery
My thoughts hidden
Misunderstood
Even by me

Conflicted
I miss him
I love him
Why couldn't we make it work
Why couldn't I make it work
What's wrong with me
I let it all get out of hand

I can only control me
So I chose
I chose the alternative
It's what i could control
Or is it