It's true: when it rains it pours sleets and storms

Over the last 30 hours I've been bursting into spontaneous tears minus the moments when a simple polite inquiry of how are you reduces me to a stoic nod or a meltdown into sobbing whimpers 

I feel inconsolable

Gloomy 

Melancholy 

Thank God Mother Nature understands; on my way to work it was foggy which encapsulated the dark cloud I felt as I was driving, the  sun fought through for a few hours but ultimately the sky reverted to a misty eerie feel and the clouds gave way to an outpouring of water.  Something someone understands my mood...

I know it is okay to feel the way I do and someday things will get better but for now the end is farther than it seems and I would much rather embrace how I feel. 

So with that when it rains it pours, sleets and storms 

Not a letter of reconciliation

My best friend in college taught me that writing was a good way to vent... Just never send the email. Since that day in 2009 when some kid ticked me off on a group project I wrote about it instead of emailing them a snappy and nasty reply. Now, I have over 47 drafted emails mostly to my ex-husband-to-be and others.  I drafted an email for him about four days ago with an excerpt of a conversation he was having with the same friend that he has began to slander me to... The narratives are completely opposite.

Well today. A minute ago. I sent that email. No it wasn't because I want to reconcile or makeup. More so i wanted him to realize as a couple we are on a journey; you cared about me. Yet, in a moment of difficulty, you hate me and I'm the worst kind of person there is.  Marriages are hard; people change, I met him when I was 19 and I had a lot of growing up to do. Marriage is patience;it's work. Sometimes you need space.  

How ironic! In the chat he had with her he described this fierce love for me so much that he called it LIKE a lot (red flag number 1, I will probably address this in a blog but then I thought it was cute)


*** I never finished this day but I will publish it as is 

Dear Diary: An open letter to...

My ex-husband-to-be (I'm assuming that's what you call an estranged spouse that has filed for a divorce), his family, and friends,

Thank you all for granting me your audience. Now, that I have your attention where should I begin. Hmmm... Let's start with "Mrs. Logan-Ajiboye, thank you for meeting with me and trusting me to handle your case.  In order to retain my services you will be billed $4,000 as retainer which will be held in a separate account. Although, we believe that your case could run as high as $8,000 due to the complexities of motion and wants of spouse"

Yes you read correctly, I will be billed $4000-$8000 to retain a lawyer all because I would much rather not be a doormat and roll over and settle for the options my spouse is giving me.  So why did I pen this letter to you all? Well, as the father of my child and once the love of my life I'm sure you realize how ludicrous this is; we are investing 8,000 each (~16,000) into other people's pockets for their business and for their family so that there child could go to college.  Instead of communicating like mature adults, creating a plan through some sort of mediation once everything has cooled off, we both could maintain our money and put it towards raising our son and ensuring that he has all his hearts desires.  To continue, the amount of money I make for work is 3 times less that of your salary. Where will this money come from? Who advised you that this was the best way to resolve our family situation was to tear us apart further.

As his family or friends it is your job to ensure that your friend is reflective and thinks about his decision and the implication.  The goal is to be apart of our sons life and throwing money at lawyers to have them showdown will not necessarily break about

Thanks again.

Today, after meeting with my lawyer and discussing my retainer. I felt overwhelmed, distraught, frustrated... How did things get so bad ? Where will this money come from? I have plans for my money! I worked so hard to save.  This is not the best use of my money.

I wish we could resolve this situation better but there is no other way.

Divorce sucks!


On the plus side, little man officially crawled on all fours and is no longer scooting like an inch worm. This all occurred on my birthday 3.14.16 and I couldn't ask for a better birthday gift.

25!

Today marks my 25 birthday.  I greet my birthday with so much pent up mixed emotions. I want to cry because of the last 6 years of my birthday I celebrated it with someone special. 6 years, it feels like eternity.  I'm happy, I'm a mom  and for my 25th birthday I woke up next to the most handsome 10 month old, my son.

I'm in transition, at the age when I thought I would have it all figured out, 25.   Here I am,  I am living at my parent's home with my son with hopes of having my own home, I'm rushing to work in Massachusetts when I would rather partner and help grow my mom's business, I am in the middle of a divorce and custody battle when I would much rather be with my forever person raising our child with hopes of having more.

In all this, I do thank God! I woke up to mark another day, another year.  25! You are a miracle, not everyone lives to see this age.  25!

I am ready to embrace the journey...

where will life take me at 25?

I declare this my year, 25! In Jesus Name!

So for my 25th birthday... a blog a day to keep the negative thoughts away. (okay and because writing is cathartic/therapeutic)