Needs

I need you

But how do I let you know

I need your body
Connected to mine
The oneness
But how do I let you know

I'm not seeking your heart
Penetrate to the deepest of my darkest realms
I need you

My body thirsts for you
Every touch
Every breath
Every thrusts
It needs you

But how do I let you know

Yearning
Calling
Crying
Pent up
Frustration of months and months

Give me you
All of you
I need you
But how do I let you know

Premise for this little poem now mind you I'm no poet.  I called my soon to be ex husband and I wanted to ask him to come over. I felt pathetic but I also felt like it would be insulting. But it's hard I hate rejection more than anything --- yes I bounce back and I would probably call him again the next week and ask again because along with that rejection it tends to make me persistent to the point of weariness.

Anyways while on the call with him I immediately felt my nerves kick in and I decided not to and somehow made a mess of the situation instead.

So this morning after staying up half the night feeling horny; I needed him. At 6am I gave myself some kind of women empowerment speech. Tell him what you want, demand it lol.  But as usual I talked myself out of it

Hi _______ sorry to be calling you but I was wondering if we could have sex. I miss your body and frankly I can't envision giving myself to anybody. I don't want to at least not right now. I need you. I have needs too. You are one of them. I understand if you say no and I will be really hurt maybe devastated but I've always thought it was best to ask for what I want and put myself out there even though it risks being so badly rejected. Anyways it was worth the try.

Okay maybe not as empowering when it got to the last 2 sentences but you get the drift. I've alarrafy predicted how he feels about my request and that's because I feel like he hates me and I've ruined his life.

I've really made a mess of things. Am I really that fcuked up?!?!? Well I will be sharing this with my therapist hopefully I can get some clarity.

-Diary of a soon to be divorcee

Ps did I mention that the other conversation was suppose to go along the lines of "hey _____ I need an oil change and not my car but me" obviously that conversation would have gone way worse.